what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
