she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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