and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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