Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm really busy with my period
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