a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize