I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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