Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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