24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
