I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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