So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
only if we run a train.
done.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
