I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
