Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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