ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There's always time for handjobs
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
