Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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