Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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