The maid of honor just puked.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
