her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
