she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
