Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
