Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
