So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
