HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
May the power of my ass compel you!!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
