HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
