Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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