Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
