just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
