i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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