So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
