If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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