I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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