I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
