1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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