dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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