I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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