How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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