I looked at my own cervix.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize