It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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