I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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