If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
