The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
