my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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