She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
