i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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