would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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