Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
