how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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