And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
