I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
