seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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