Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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