Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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