Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
