she woke up with a sticky ear
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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