I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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