If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We left the knife in your bed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
