I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
