Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
