think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
