On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
