I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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