the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
