i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
