the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
