I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
