worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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