Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers