after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.