I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?