Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?