I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
